Gastritis Post 2: How I got gastritis

I got gastritis at a time when I was dieting too forcefully, drinking too much alcohol, and experiencing too much stress. On top of that, gastritis runs in my family.

As a typical 16-year-old girl, I decided I wanted to lose weight, so I went on a diet. In fact, I had gained 4 kg during summer break, so I had gone from 55 kg to 59 kg at the height of 164 cm. It shouldn’t have been a big deal, but I thought it was. So I went all out: I made my meals about half of what I used to eat, and when I invariably got hungry between meals, I ate apples or cucumbers. It often happened that I was ravenously hungry when going to bed around 10pm (I ate a small dinner at 5pm), so I’d have half a cucumber. Oh, what an indulgence!

On the weekends, things got even more intense. I usually skipped dinner on Friday and Saturday and drank hard liquor instead. I noticed that I didn’t feel hungry then, so I just kept partying without the need for food. My favorite was the morning after a party when I’d get up and weigh myself (yes, I was weighing myself everyday at that point): the number on the scale was often 1 kg less than the day before, and I felt such a sense of accomplishment! Little did I know that that was mostly dehydration and I shouldn’t have been surprised to see most of that come back the next day.

So I combined intense dieting with alcohol, and both irritate the stomach lining and contribute to gastritis. I was also working very hard at school, experiencing lots of stress. I didn’t sleep enough and I exercised a lot (about 1.5 hours five times a week, also as a consequence of my weight loss goals). The high workload, the sleep deprivation, and the excessive exercise all led to lots of stress. And stress also leads to gastritis.

Constantly hungry…

Image source: Collective Evolution

After about 6 months of my forceful dieting, I had almost reached my goal: I was 51.5 kg after having started at 59 kg. I had wanted to get down to 50 kg, but I felt that what I was doing was unsustainable. So, thankfully, I decided to stop at 51.5 kg. I went out and celebrated and bought new jeans. Afterwards, I started eating a bit more, but I was still restricting myself. Eventually, I went back to about 55-56 kg (which was also where I was before I gained those 4 kg after summer break). My body went back to the weight that was normal for it, so in the end my dieting didn’t really have an effect. No surprises there.

The only real effect was that now I had gastritis. I felt sharp pain in my stomach whenever I was hungry, and I had to eat immediately. I had my meals carefully planned out, and I got irritable and upset if a meal was delayed. This gave me extra stress because I was constantly thinking about when I would eat next, so I don’t feel pain but also so I don’t eat too much and end up gaining weight. For more details on my struggle, read my previous blog post.

As I spoke to people about gastritis, I found out that more people had it than I had expected. Almost everyone around me knew what it was and had either had it themselves or knew someone who had it. Most importantly, many of my family members had had it: my mother, her brother, and her father, as well as my grandmother on my dad’s side of the family. A few years later, my cousin developed gastritis and my brother had it for a while as well. It became pretty clear to me that gastritis ran in our family, and apparently I was genetically predisposed to it.

You may have noticed that I referred to some of these people as having gastritis in the past tense. Yes, they didn’t have it anymore: somehow, they had healed. Interestingly, when I asked them how they managed to get rid of their gastritis, they couldn’t tell me exactly. They all had their horrific stories of unbearable pain, but after a while it just disappeared on its own. They hadn’t really noticed how their stomachs had healed, but they had. It appears that for some people gastritis is acute and it heals once the irritating stimulus is gone, while for others it’s a chronic condition. I was definitely in the camp of those for whom it was chronic (12 years…).

To sum up, in my case several things combined and led to gastritis: dieting, alcohol, stress, and a genetic predisposition. (Note that I didn’t have an infection, but for other people that can certainly contribute as well.) Now that I know more about gastritis, I am not particularly surprised that I developed it given those things. Still, I wish it was easier to heal it. In my next blog posts, I will describe what I tried as medications and remedies (and there’s a lot!) and what actually worked.

Source of featured image: Medical Daily

Gastritis Post 1: My story with gastritis

I’ve had gastritis for more than 12 years now, and it’s finally healing. I find it hard to believe that I’ve gotten better, but it’s true. And I’d like to share with you how I’ve managed to do that.

I’ve tried multiple treatments and remedies, without success. Now I’ve finally found something that works, and I’d like to share that with you.

Having gastritis became normal to me. I was used to eating small portions of food 5-6 times a day. I would have a meal, feel alright for about two hours, and then double over with pain. I could barely wait for my next meal which gave me a brief relief until two hours later I was in pain again.

This made it difficult to lead a normal life. I carried food everywhere and felt weird for having to eat at very (very!) specific times. Eating a meal 15 minutes later than planned was a problem. 30 minutes later was impossible. 1 hour later was unthinkable.

I got irritable if I had to wait for a meal, perhaps understandably because I was in pain. The people around me were stressed out when planning meals with me because they knew I might get upset if a meal began 15 minutes later than expected.

I was also stressed out because: 1) I was afraid I might be in pain, 2) I was afraid other people were getting annoyed with me, and 3) because I was afraid of gaining weight. You might not see how 3) is related to having gastritis, so let me explain.

Since I was eating 5-6 times a day and I saw other girls eating much less, I was afraid I was eating too much. Thus, I tried to make these meals small. I thought that since I will need to eat in 3 hours anyway, I should eat a little bit because otherwise I’ll end up eating a lot during the course of a day.

I was told that small, frequent meals would help my gastritis heal.

Image source: Mind over Munch

Also, if I had to wait for a meal and I was in pain, people said, “Well, why don’t you just have a snack now?” What people didn’t understand is that I wanted to minimize the amount of food I was eating. An extra snack here 30 minutes before dinner was too much food according to my thinking. So I’d try to wait until dinner instead of having a snack. This made me extra irritable because of the pain and in the end if it hurt too much, I’d have a snack anyway. This led me to be even more annoyed with myself since now I was also eating more than I had planned.

Living this way is not pleasant. I experienced a constant fear of hunger and tried to incessantly plan when I would eat what. This helped when I was able to follow my plan, but it led to stress when circumstances made it impossible to follow my plan exactly.

During my 12 years of having gastritis, I tried multiple medications and remedies. I went to several doctors and followed their prescriptions. I also consulted homeopaths, naturopaths, and grandmas who have me home remedies. I read a lot online and tried different things. Some of the suggestions I received helped briefly but didn’t lead to actual improvements. Others genuinely made my condition worse.

Now I’ve finally found something that works. I have been doing this for about a year now, and I am over the moon with joy that I am finally healing my gastritis! I have been able to return to regular eating habits and to be less scared of being hungry. I eat 3 meals a day and a small snack. I can manage if a meal happens 30 minutes or 1 hour later than planned. I can barely believe it! I actually get hungry now instead of just being in pain. This may sound silly but it feels so good to feel normal again.

I’d like to go over my whole journey with you: I’ll tell you how I got gastritis and how it affected my life. Then I’ll tell you what I tried but didn’t see improvements and why you shouldn’t try this. I’ll go on to tell you what actually works! I’ll also discuss the things I tried that didn’t work for me but might work for you. Finally, I’ll also discuss the unique role of stress in this whole thing.

Image source for featured image: ltkcdn.net

What Is It Like to Be You? Description 5

I spend my days vacillating between experiencing small pleasures (recently eating mango ice cream with fresh lime juice or noticing acts of kindness or a sunrise) and noticing small discomforts (often fatigue or noticing disappointments). I am intensely happy when I feel loved or when I feel like I can make a difference or when I can lose myself in the act of creating something. I feel deeply sad when I am isolated, betrayed, or don’t feel understood or cared for. I worry a lot about whether I’m competent or smart or talented or likable and if that’s enough. I like to feel like I’m a deeply good and caring person. I like to feel like an artist. I like to analyze what has made me the way I am.

What Is It Like to Be You? Description 1

Let me share the first description I received:

Hmm… let me think, what is it to be me. It is to be disciplined (of course not always but in many cases), to analyse constantly, what do I do right or wrong, what others do right or wrong and to learn from my own and from others’ mistakes. To be me is to be very tolerant and do my best not to judge other people. To constantly search for the positive sides/signs in everything. To be me is often to worry about things which I probably shouldn’t worry about. To love food and bakery very much but at the same time worry if I eat healthy enough and not too much. To always create plans and if something goes not according to my imagined schedule or sequences, I feel irritation, but then again try to teach myself to see it as a positive thing for my flexibility training. Uff… didn’t expect that would say so much about being me☺

What Is It Like to Be You?

A couple of weeks ago, I was doing a friend’s experiment, looking at simple lines and colors and pressing buttons. I thought, “Would someone else perceive these images differently from me? Certainly, she would. What would those differences be based on and how would the impression actually be changed?”

It’s very difficult to understand how we ourselves perceive the world, let alone other people. And the point is that how things appear to us is subjective: how can I explain to you what it is like when I drink a cup of aromatic tea? How can you explain to me how a red rose appears to you? It’s very difficult because it’s subjective.

But humans came up with language. We can use words in order to communicate complex ideas, and writers spend their lives trying to find the words to convey a particular concept or feeling. Apparently words can be powerful. So I decided to ask people about the way the world appears or feels to them.

I asked: What is it like to be you?

A great deal of people responded, and the responses were very, VERY different. I certainly got a sense of what it is like to be these people. While we can never inhabit someone else’s mind and heart and fully see the world from their eyes, I like to think that reading these responses can get us a little closer to that. Perhaps by describing what the world is like for us and sharing that with each other, we can gain a fuller understanding of what being human is all about.

I will share one description per day. Stay tuned to find out what it’s like to be someone 🙂 And feel free to share what it’s like to be you!

Loneliness and Why We Feel It

A subtle sadness gradually sneaks in through the walls, into the furniture, on each surface. A sheath of disappointment glistens on top of the fabric of the couch. The music is dulled and made more ordinary because nothing is quite extraordinary. The apples on the table are not truly red but a shade less bright. Being alive is okay but not quite fulfilling.

The mind and the heart crave a distraction. They don’t want to feel dull  and dissatisfied. The most powerful stimulant they know is love, so they decide they want love. They decide they are lonely. Ah, now they have a diagnosis, so everything is simpler: the problem is loneliness, therefore the solution is the lack of loneliness, the presence of passionate love. Actionable step towards the solution: go find passionate love. The mind and the heart have figured it out, simply.

Yet the heart/mind is very good at forgetting when forgetting suits it. Some voice of reason asks, as though from far, far away:

“When was the last time passionate love solved anything?”

Silence.

The voice gets closer. It’s deep and authoritative, it demands to be heard.

“When was the last time passionate love brought peace and contentment?”

Silence and quiet recalling of episodes past. Passionate love, unmet expectations, disappointment. Somehow the outcomes do not match the intentions.

The voice fills all audible space now. Powerful and full, it’s the type of voice one doesn’t argue with.

“Why pursue this thing called passionate love then? … passionate love then? … love then? … then?” The voice reverberates in the empty space of my head.

“Because it brings hope,” a tiny, child’s voice says.

Every time love blooms, it seems like this time it will work out fine. This time everything will be just right and our hearts will sing. Just this time it won’t fall apart inside our very palms as we try to cradle it to life.

And then, inadvertently, it does fall apart.

It’s unbelievable that our hearts can find it in them to hope again next time. It’s the miracle of the human heart: that in any situation, at any time, our hearts can love again.

That’s because love makes our hearts sing. The heart remembers more powerfully how it sang than how it wept. This is why every time it finds the courage to sing again, even if that means it will have to weep again.