3 thoughts on “A Model of Feeling Loved

  1. I agree that acts of kindness seem to mean more when they come from unexpected places. That really resonates with me. As people become closer to us (through friendships and relationships), we come to expect their love habitually and a new equilibrium is established. In some ways, this can be sort of tragic, as we have the potential to grow less grateful to the people who love us the most.

    At least from my experience, our self-love is most often threatened when a moment of reaching out is rejected. I guess that’s why it’s important to try and build up a sense of self-worth based on something other than social connections. If I understand correctly, the core is how we see ourselves. From what perspective do we see ourselves and do we like what we see? I’m not sure if self-love is a prerequisite to giving love to others. At least on the surface, when I compliment someone else, it doesn’t feel like I am doing it because I have a surplus of self-love. Of course, without a certain threshold of self-love, it’s doubtful I would be in the mood to extend affection to others.

    It’s difficult for me to quantify the amount of love I give and receive, but I think humans are always prone to craving more. You’re right that the only thing we can do as individuals is export as much as we can in the hopes that some fraction will be reciprocated.


  2. I have one more observation. If we suppose that love is a commodity, it is easily traded between markets. The affection I receive from coworkers during the day, might well be passed on to friends at a party that evening. However, love is not especially fungible. Sometimes we desire a particular kind of love or the love a particular person that no amount of other affection seems to replace.


  3. ZenaRei

    What a beautiful model! The dynamic equilibrium with a slight outward flow of love is an elegant way to capture the biggest actors in a process so complex with social context and biological baggage. Brava!


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